Wednesday, August 27, 2008
I confess it. I love little boys more than little girls. I don't mean I love my little boys more than I love Ryan...I just mean that, in general, I like little boys better. Like their adult counterparts, they are less complicated, less manipulative, less all kinds of things that I have never been very good at managing. But I also confess that, once I accepted that my third child was going to be (gasp!) a girl, I quickly got in the daughter groove. The main selling point? I had visions of her playing dress-up for hours on end - ballerinas (a chip off the old block!), princesses (the strong, independent type - red-headed Belle, not blonde Cinderella), or even doctors, lawyers, and such (lyrics from Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys - I couldn't resist). So, someone please tell me what the hell this is...and how exactly things got so very far off track. The pink wig, the antlers, the basket full of stuffed animals - it is like Hannah Montana meets Bambi meets the carnivorous Little Red-Riding-Hood. And what is she doing with her hand? The Tiger Woods 'Yes! I won another major!' fist-pump? The closest this outfit comes to my visions of having a daughter is that the apron she is wearing bears the Thomas Jefferson quote, "I cannot live without books." Somehow, though, I just don't see 'librarian' in her future.
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51 comments:
As hilarious as this little get up is, I'm actually more stunned that she is wearing clothing.
I see Ryan as a nude surf board instructor... I've got the perfect place - Black Beach in San Diego.
As a father of 2 girls myself as well as brother to 4 girls (the Gyllenskog seed is unable to produce boys apparently) I consider myself an expert. I'm going to say that actually it would appear to me that she is preparing to head to a DJ gig at the neighborhood infant rave. As long as she doesn't start spinning Kidz Bop for her lil' buddies, she looks like a pretty cool chick to me.
You're right...this was not the time to post this photo after you just saw her this morning, outside on our sidewalk, naked as a jay-bird.
I actually think you are onto something with the future employment. As nude surf-instructor, she can be bold and sassy and a free-spirit and a 'thinker' with a smokin hot body...I'm signing her up for lessons immediately.
KG - If Ryan turns out half as cool and funny and sassy as the Gyllenskog girls, I will consider my efforts a success. But, for the love of all that is holy - antlers?
I think she is ready to fight. The fist, the antlers, the dogs. Watch out WWF. (or whatever it is called these days) She will still need the killer body for this occupation, and she can keep the wig. Hell, she could even keep her usual no clothes option. Maybe Payton could teach her to pull hair out.
kg - she's gearing up and ready to fight,she has seen your blog and knows what happens to KIds Pop lovers.
Marti - nude wrestling is never a good thing... too much vulva exposure.
Too much vulva exposure? No such thing.
Hey Marti it wasn't just a threat to you I will go Ron Burgundy on her little ass and punch her right in the baby maker too.
And I think the new name for Linds is Mulva.
You forget, I'm not as big of a lesbian as you are.
Mard - I don't think Ryan and Payton can play anymore...I think Paytie could kick her ass after seeing the photo you sent (the Coy females don't take to ass-kickings very well).
KG - Penny will crush your baby makers - she is into ball crushing and I think she can take you.
Linds - We all know you are a Gipple, not a Mulva.
I take it back, Lindsey, you are a total Mulva. Or a Ditch. Or a Snore. Or a Bass. Or a Glut. Gipple was too nice.
KG - Mulva makes me sound like a woman who deprives her husband of sex, it couldn't be more fitting.
Corbie - remember last night when I clued you in on the word 'emo' well it's your turn to clue me in on 'gipple'...
kg - I think she can take you, besides I think that may be Baxter in her basket?
linds - with a name like Mulva you may be more of a lesbian than you think.
Fine I did threaten to punch an adorable 2 year old in her baby makers just for having poor taste in music. IRREGARDLESS I do NOT appreciate you all ganging up on me just cause I am the only male commenter. You are all Dookers and should return to your homes on Dhore Disland.
Lindsey - for an English major, ryhming eludes you to an odd degree. Gipple...Nipple. Whatever.
KG - While I normally side with you, I cannot this time. It has nothing to do with threatening to punch my 2-year-old - punch away. It is because you are ganging up on me on your blog and I am a fighter my friend...I go down swinging. But we are all Dookers from Dhore Island...IRREGARDLESS of Lindsey's attempt to look sweet and innocent.
And, for the record, there are days (more than I will detail here), where lesbian seems like a fine choice for me. Never say never.
KG - I am on my way over to crush your baby maker. Hope you are happy with your two girls cause I don't see many swimmers making it through this round of crushing.
Corb - It's quite obvious that Ryan is dressing up as Mug. This is totally an outfit Mug would throw on after she has been gardening, to go show a house. I mean, if her plaid shorts are in the wash. So, I wouldn't worry. Just a harmless game of Mug dress up.
I'm learning so much from you. Thanks for opening my eyes to the real world.
Penny - I am picturing the sceen during the credits of "What Happens in Vegas" -good call.
Pennylane - you pummell, crush, do whatever you need to do. My boys are resilient and Phelpsian in their swimming abilities (Even more so than I'd like) so I am not afraid. I will survive.
Spammon - WTF dude? Where are you man? I'm getting killed here. Where are your balls to be busted?
Spammon's balls are currently in use. Lindsey is putting out like a little bunny rabbit...no pun intended.
Can I have a mulligan on my rebuttal to Penny? That one sucked and this one would have been much more HIGHlarious...
"I know what you're thinking. And the answer is yes, I do have a nickname for my penis. It's called The Octagon. But I've also nicknamed my testes. The left one is James Westfall, and the right one is Dr. Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right, you might just get to meet the whole gang."
Oh, KG - Spammon is MIA this time of year. He has to spend a lot of time managing his 17 fantasy football teams. He thinks because he has a few trophies that he is a badass...I say it is the law of averages.
Corbie - frankly I'm just glad you posted another comment. I was just drafting another mulligan request since my 2nd rebuttal to Penny had brought the blog to a screeching halt.
Corbie,
She is darling! Maybe she is just getting into the spirit of hunting season. Perhaps an orange vest would complete the ensemble.
KG - maybe you could just refer to your whole gang as the rocktagon.
Penny is also slightly MIA - as a shout out to YPC, she and I are reading The Course In Miracles. She has been sending me little wise tidbits all morning while I banter about balls and vulvas. Who is having more fun, though, oh wise woman?
Jenny - Can Ryan borrow one of your orange vests? You guys have the same color of hair and are roughly the same size - it is bound to look smashing!
The gang are not worth meating (yes i know how to spell). Why would you think that a man would naturally side with you, you prepubescent puncher?
As for the getup we call that non-conformist and creative in our home. If you wanted the princess who adores ballet class almost as much as giving verbal beat downs to similar aged boys who can't say the word "vocabulary", I think she is at my house.
But beware, where there is a Belle lover...an Ariel lover will follow. You know Ariel, the one who left her Dad and gave up her home, not to mention her fins, for some dude she barely knows. A dude who almost fell for a chick who never even spoke to him, only to be whisked away by a fat squid disguised as a gold digger ready to marry him after one little song and hardly even a date.
Its eneough to drive a guy to drink.
She is the cutest kid! Her and my girls would get along great!! My girls do not realize that it is not "normal" to wear just underwear outside! I keep telling my 5 1/2 year old she cannot be doing that in a few years- I let them stick to inside the house and only around us!
Looks like Ryan is full of energy! Girls give me run for the money and hormones! Yikes!! You think of what she is wearing now, you just wait till the teen years- it will get better or get worse:)
ooohhh, sorry I got rid of all my safety vests. These days I take my chance at getting shot.
Jenny - Better hope you don't find yourselves in the woods with Ammon - that guy's a madman.
Brohammas - I always thought I was Belle - I now know I am Ariel. Weird.
SB - My husband always tells me that I cannot be going outside in just underwear either and that in a few years it will be totally unacceptable. I totally understand her plight.
kg - no worries, I laughed, just remember when blogging lines from Anchorman you need to kno that 60% of the time it works, every time.
Marti - thanks for the confidence booster. I'm glad we've read the same studies.
kg - it also helps to know the info and not just kno it.
kg - it also helps to know the info and not just kno it.
I have KNOW idea what just happened.
I'm sorry Marti, I must have been distracting you. That's the smell of desire, m'lady.
Alright I'm done with the quotes. Sorry everyone.
kg - you're done with the quotes? You have broken my heart, Mr. Burgundy. You have broken my heart. Okay we can stop now, well done sir.
marti-speaking of Vegas, can't we all get together and do a Yoga retreat there? Then, due to our lack of pride, come home and blog about the adventure instead of letting it "stay in Vegas"
Corbie- Wise tidbits? Like when I said it would be tits if you read course in miracles?
Okay, it is true...you have mastered the wise woman/dirty whore combo perfectly. You did, indeed say, "that would be tits!" when I said we should read the automobile size book together. And you know how I love the phrase 'tits!' as it relates to anything but actual breasts.
F Me...already 40 comments? I'm not going to bother saying anything witty. It's just going to be lost down here at the bottom.
Just say, KG is right, girls are mean, Dalyn is a trader and boys are the COOLest. Whatever you do, DO NOT make a Ron Burgundy quote about genitalia. That brings things to a halt my friend.
KG is right, girls are mean, Dalyn is a trader and boys are the COOLest. And if there's grass on the field, PLAY BALL!
You will find a way to interject that phrase anywhere and everywhere, won't you? I hope they never ask you to speak in sacrament meeting...the congregation might not appreciate that quote. Sicko.
The majority of them agree with me
I do not readily engage in the exchange of commodities, if you meant traitor... maybe. I'm just never sure what team you really play on.
As for Spammon's comment, especially connected to this post, I'm wiping my hard drive clean of anything that may connect me to him, just in case the feds come looking.
I do however agree that boys are the COOLest. I am withfrawing from society as soon as my oldest girl turns 11.
I plan to withfraw from society as well once my girls reach 11.
KG - I've picked up so many new words today, first gipple, now withfraw... thanks for adding to my vocabulary.
OK I asked for that one... or rather I asfed for it.
Okay, if no one else wants Mulva, I'll take it. Corbie, I had to read your blog to catch up with you, even though I finally got to see you twice. Then I see sweet Ryan (I was there, you know). I'll tell you what is wrong with her costume - four (warped) boys took her into a storeroom and dressed her like that and then pranced her over to Pepperwood Drive to wave at the passing cars. Not that the boys looked much less demented. And we let them - and we weren't even drinking. You are in for a ton of fun. I will hide and watch.
And that, my friends, was Marie, friend extraordinaire - apparently you can call her Mulva :). She went to Africa with me (actually I went with her), stayed up talking every night with me (despite her usual 8:30 bedtime), slept in mold infested rooms with me and provided me with the vodka to douse the infamous apples. Plus she was in possession of coffee nips which she fed to me at every turn to keep me from physical withdrawals in Ghana.
Ryan's picture (you know, antlers and pink hair) was taken in her back yard (gorgeous isn't it?). In fact, her boys and my boys (that makes 4 total) dressed Ryan up (and themselves) in some pretty groovy gear and, as she stated, paraded her onto the main Pepperwood drag.
Marie is always good for joining me in a public flashing (she is actually the original naked golf instigator) and irreverent laughs. She is my friend, my mentor, my therapist...and I am happy she has introduced herself here. Welcome, Mulva!
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